If You Want Me To

Breathe.  In.  Out.

Ok, I'm good now.  This week's been rough and today has been even rougher.  Coming back from break is always a smack in the face and this was no exception.  Tests (ACT and chem :P), music (faulty piano performance), and squabbles (drama, anyone?) have been filtering through these past 6 days and it hasn't been pretty.  Maybe it's all due to the fact that it's the end of the semester.  Or maybe there's a reason.  A plan.  A bigger picture.

I was driving to my grandparent's house this evening when this song came on:

I've always liked this song.  The theme behind it is beautiful.  But today I was really getting into it and ended up playing it over and over - mainly so I could sing along.

After about the second or third time through, I sang the line:

"So if all of these trials bring me closer to you, then I will walk through the fire if you want me to."

It clicked.  It honestly made sense.  I felt peace.

I've been trying to justify every hard thing in my life.  "This is a result of your bad choice.  Suck it up and move on."  "The world is just unfair.  There's nothing you can do about it."  

But what if there's a reason for all of this?  What if it's all happening because I am loved - not just because I am a sinner or because the world is hurtful?  Maybe God loves me.  Maybe he wants me close to him - closer than I am now.  Maybe he'll do whatever he can to get my attention and grab a hold of my heart.

Maybe, just maybe, all of these trials are here to bring me to the cross.  

Definitely.  

I will walk through the fire.  I must.  It refines me.  It teaches me.  And most importantly it brings me into the arms of my precious Savior.  

I started writing a song this week.  The chorus goes:

"I'll trust and hope and give my all for the things that I can't see.

I'll stand my ground in your steadfast love when this world overwhelms me.

And I'll give my life for the promise of true gain.

So Father, bring the rain."

And that is the cry of my heart tonight.  Even if it hurts.  If I get burned.  If I get lost in the valley.  If I get drenched in the rain.  It will come.  It must come.  Because I must be close to Jesus.  Nothing else matters.  Bring the rain, Jesus.  Draw me to yourself.

You Alone

As I said in my "About Me" tab, I love music.  Lots.  And I like to write my own music.  When I get the chance.  And record it.  This is the result of such circumstances...

The song is called "You Alone" and I wrote it a few weeks back.  It was a Sunday and I had just gotten home from church.  My pastor had talked that morning about worldliness and how it can creep up on you if you're not careful.  When we choose to become friends with the world, we become enemies of Christ.  It sounds harsh but its true.  God cannot look upon evil, so if we are his children we must be completely consumed by him.  Any worldliness that we allow to seep into our lives can and will tear down any spiritual fortresses that we have.  So I wrote this song because I realized that I don't want to be that person.  I don't want to let little things into my life that will take me down eventually.  I must realize that Jesus is enough.  And not only that, he is MORE than enough.  He can and will satisfy every need if we turn to him and not to the world to fulfill our desires.  As I think about that fact that he has truly lifted me from dust and ashes, I can't help but say yes to him and his salvation.  When I know his heart and he knows mine, there is no room for anything else.  Thank you, Jesus.  You truly are enough for me.